Moment

This morning, I’m being a little bit melancholy. I was clearing up my room when an envelope reminded me of something. A week ago, we began a moment which, for me, is a remarkable one. I do always and often tell that I am so hard being touched. But, I guess there is still a part of “human” inside me that I have left so I could be touched by you guys till this time.

Somehow, I do love this kind of feeling when I feel so weak, stupid, and dependent. Perhaps, those are the bad of many other characters. But, I do feel like, it keeps me to be a human.

I just realize how precious the moment when we could open our heart to trust one another. Trust to share the burden we got, trust to tell who we truly are, and trust to tell the weakness of ours. The moment, that I believe, will be followed by other beautiful moments among us.

I am not kind of person which can so easily tell how much I love and care others. I am not the one who can so easily trust the others from knowing that I depend or rely on them. But at the moment, I just spilled it out. I told them that I feel like they are my true friends. Even though, I’m still looking what the true friend means. And I don’t know what the meaning of my existence for them. I was just drowning and following the stream of the moment until I told them what my heart truly says.

At that point, I just felt like I was being egoist and I had prepared my heart if they would say that after all this time, they don’t feel the same and I am just a friend, that they can’t rely on. Because based on my experience, I always am the one who relies on someone, but that someone can’t rely on me. May be that’s why I am being so hard to myself that I can face this world alone without anyone’s help and without any true friend beside me. Because I used to be disappointed that I can’t be the one who can be relied on.

But, what I found was not as I predicted. They told me that they just feel the same. Even one of them has the same experience about how disappointed she was when she knew that she can’t be the one who can be relied on.

It was like, Oh my goodness, I think I am just the only one who feels so. After all this time, the experience built like some kind of trauma for having this kind of friendship. But then, Allah let me meet these guys and the perfect moment when we realize we can rely on one another.

I don’t know how to build that kind of moment. For me, nothing happens accidentally. The moment that I met you for the first time, we talked, played, laughed, or even cried, and until I told you how I feel, are just a tiny part of our life’s mystery which has been written by Allah. And I did love it so much. Just can’t tell how much you mean to me.

And for many times, I want to be an egoist. Again. I do hope that I can be even just a tiny bit reason of your braveness to struggle in this kind of world we chose, until the day we survive and make our own story which may be can inspire others.

I do hope we can pass many other moments together.

Learn from 0 (Zero)

You all have known zero, right? 0 (zero). Yes, the number which is like a doughnut(?) and being written before 1 (one). Well yeah, I’ll talk about that number.

Do you ever notice that wisdom and knowledge can come all of a sudden from unexpected time and place. I don’t want to act like a priest or what. But it really is the truth. If you haven’t thought the same way, perhaps you need to check out the soul of yours and have a little chit chat with me, haha 😀

Some days ago, I learned something which is a little bit interesting and kind of wise I think. It came from nowhere but a little -somewhat, not really important- group chat, haha. Actually, it is kind of important group chat in its own way, I mean when I’m getting upset, stressed out, or lack of motivation, it helps me somehow.

So, it is begun with the chatting about the price of something that my friend had written it wrong twice. Suddenly, something came up to my mind. Actually, she just missed one little zero at the end of the nominal, but it really is a big deal. You can change a million into a billion just by putting one 0 (zero) at the end. So, never dismiss even just one zero at the end of any nominal.

Sometimes we -or perhaps it’s just me- are too much ambitious. We often think that we can do something big if only become someone which is also ‘big’, for instance, a leader, chief, or anyone who leads in the front of the troops.

Let’s take a break and try learning from zero. Which I think is the most humble number. It doesn’t even mean anything if stands by itself. It is not even being counted, if all alone. But, let’s take a look what happen if it makes a line behind another number?? What kind of change does it offer?? In fact, the change is really a big deal if we just dismiss just one of them.

Let’s learn from zero, it is never so arrogant to be the one which is in front of the others. It stays calm and humble to be behind the others. Because the truth is it knows that it will be more useful and valuable even though behind the others. Perhaps, that’s why many people say, “The great leaders are the great followers”.

And the last thing is that zero never feels so inferior to be around with other numbers which are more valuable if they stand by their selves. It still wants to assemble and even be led by them.